I wanted to tell everyone a story. A lot of you have been reading this for the past three years as I've gone through relationships, break ups, etc. I wanted to share something pretty special with all of you who think that these military relationships are destined to fail. I think this is one of those moments that you only hear about once and a while but it helps to see it happen to give you insight into your own relationships.
I met my best friend a few years back in high school. He and I talked a few times, we connected to each other when talking about the Marines. We were sitting in his girlfriend's car as she drove us home, I was the little freshman and he was the big bad senior. But he didn't worry me, we had talked a few times and this time when our eyes met I knew he was going to be some part of my life. He went off to boot camp during the summer and we didn't speak until the following February of 2009. At that point in time we started texting. We became great friends and decided to date after only a few weeks.
Things went great until Easter came around. It was going to be his first time home since we started talking, we made so many plans! I was more excited than I had ever been in a relationship. Our plans got ruined for the first night and the next day he started avoiding me. By Sunday (he was leaving on Monday morning), I told him to meet me because I deserved an explanation. We met in the park, I waited for over two hours for him to show up. Finally, at 9:30 pm he decided to show up. We walked out to the middle of the field and sat down. We talked for a few and I decided to kiss him, that was our first kiss and it was perfect other than the fact we realized we had been sitting/laying looking at the stars in piles of goose poop! That was so much fun. We weren't in an "official" relationship but we had established we had something.
He left on Monday. On Monday afternoon in between classes, I got a text from one of his ex-girlfriends saying she had kissed him. She thought I should know. Well all I knew was that she was trying to get between us, it worked. I texted him, a little hurt and angry. He responded with "we're not actually dating yet". I didn't speak to him the rest of the day, I couldn't believe he even said that to me. He landed back in North Carolina that evening and texted me saying how sorry he was. When he was on the plane he thought about it, that was the first night he told me he wanted to really be with me and try to make it work. Of course, I got my hopes up. Things were okay for a little while until he started telling me I didn't love him, I didn't know what love was, and that I was going to leave just like everyone else. He went through a really bad phase, especially after one of his buddies was killed during a routine training operation. He started taking his anger out on me. He called me one night a little intoxicated, telling me he loved me and he did want to be with me. He said, "If you find the right girl, even if you want to travel alone, she'll change your mind and you'll want her to travel with you. You're that girl." Of course, being young and in love I believed him. The next day he changed his mind. I was so angry with him. Time passed by and I wrote a blog on a former blog I had for him. He read it. This was his response from all that time ago:
"That's beautiful and I'm sorry for putting you through all of this and I can't wait to take another shot at it, when I can give it my all and give you what you deserve, but right now I honestly can't and I'm not willing to half ass this. I want it just as bad as you do and I want it to be your fairy tale I want it to be perfect I want to give you everything you deserve and I can't right now and it does kill me. My mind is stuck in other places and on other people and I'm sorry for not paying enough attention to you, I'm also a master at having poor priorities. overall, I'm an asshole no doubt, and I don't think I'd change it for the world. Not that I want my ass holiness to be directed at you but that's just me. I want us to be happy together and right now it just cant happen as soon as I can I will give this shot two and soon after 3, 4, 5 and as long as it takes... I hope that this helps other people with things so it doesn't end like ours. I will always be a close friend and if anyone needs anything from my side I'm here to help. Cya hun."
I remember reading that and thinking that we would never make it work. A few months later I started dating one of his buddies. That post was in June of 2009 and he didn't find out I was dating his buddy until September of 2009 when his buddy cheated on me one night. My best friend stayed on the phone with me all night, he found out half way through the night but was more focused on making sure I was okay than breaking the news to me. He left that for his buddy. When my ex told me, I was hurt, pretty badly but I decided to forgive him. Which all of you know if you've been around here for a while. Well my best friend almost didn't forgive me for that, he couldn't believe I would forgive someone who hurt me so bad but I wouldn't give him a second chance. That's when we fought, I told him he never asked for one. He said he didn't think he could get one. I was irritated. Well, we go through deployment in October and in December my best friend and I hung out. We had a great time making cookies, homemade macaroni, watching kids movies, and just spending time together. After that, I realized how much we had been through. His buddy dumped me in April after not talking to me for weeks (I've forgiven the guy because we're good friends still). I had met another guy in a car crash in December, he was so wonderful and fun to be around. We started hanging out. I had asked my best friend if he wanted a shot with me again. He kept dancing around the topic, he didn't want to say yes or no. So I decided to give it a shot with this new guy a few months later. It was perfect, we had a great relationship until his friends came into the picture. Now we're not friends because it became a "he said/she said" break up unfortunately. My best friend and I spent time together while my then boyfriend was in boot camp. We did all the normal stuff we did, go for walks, cook, dance, and just had a blast. There were a few good times earlier in the year too (he threw me in the swimming pool and we ended up "beating" each other up) but those had all passed. We fell asleep talking, me on the floor, and him on his bed. We talked about everything that had happened between us and over the past few years. We talked about how we had become best friends. My then boyfriend came back from boot camp, broke up with me. Well my best friend really didn't say anything then, really didn't even talk to me. So I went on with my life. My ex wanted to get back together and after my best friend and I got into a fight, I thought I had blown any chance there so I decided sure why not. Well in case any of you don't know, some history DOES repeat itself and it really did with that relationship.
My best friend left on a MEU (Marine Expeditionary Unit) last April. Much earlier than we predicted. We spoke once between April and October. Things seemed like they were completely falling apart as far as our friendship went. In October, he emailed me about my birthday. He was so sweet about it too. He called me a little while after that and we talked for a few minutes. Then we didn't speak again for a little bit. He finally sent me an email and I put minutes on his phone card. He called me a few days before Thanksgiving. It was great to talk to him. Then I started to form a relationship with this guy at college. He seemed perfect, he told me he had never been happier in his life than when we were sitting there playing MW3 together or watching movies or talking. He said he loved me all of that. It was over as soon as I went home on Christmas break for two weeks. He abandoned me after two days. I got back and that's when drama broke out. I was having a hard time with that and all of sudden my best friend emailed me out of no where telling me to keep my head up and that he loved me. It helped me to get past that really fast. My best friend and I have always loved each other, it's just been hidden because we've dated other people (more so it was me dating other people, he dated one other person but that lasted a week). Well, he said he'd call soon which I didn't think he would but he did. He called that night and we talked for an hour. Then I hadn't heard from him in about a week, it sucked but I knew he'd call when he could. So two nights ago he calls me and the short version of the conversation:
- He had run all over the ship to find a phone to call me
- He missed me and this deployment had made him realize how I've never left his side
- How much he loves me
- How sorry he is that he ever took a text, a call, or a video chat conversation for granted
- That I mean everything to him
- He was sorry he never paid enough attention to me but that was going to change
- He can't wait to see me on my spring break
Now imagine how in shock I was. This was four years of hardship on my part trying to get him to realize what we had and all of a sudden it hit him. The story of how he figured it out was even better but we won't get into that. Maybe we'll put that story in the book if we write it together. Anyway I'm so excited to try this with him again. We've both changed so much.
Now I wanted to share this with all of you because four years with the Marines now and we're finally getting our footing. It was finally the Marines that showed him how much he loved me and how much I meant to him. It was a military relationship that failed but now it's successful. Why? Persistence, commitment, love, and fidelity to our friendship. Don't give up if it's not working right now because it could work later on. You just have to give it a chance to. Now I have class at 8 am and I am so tired. But I thought I would belt this out before I go to bed because I wanted to share my good news with all of you. I'm so grateful for all of the emails I've been getting with individuals sharing their news with me. So I thought I would share my news with you all. Have a wonderful evening and please don't hesitate to email me!
semperfikindoflove@yahoo.com
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