It's been a while since I've had time to sit down and write so here goes. Since the break up I've definitely found peace with the whole situation. I talked to my ex and we discovered that it was the distance itself that caused the bitterness and the tensions. I'm currently dating one of my friends who heads off to USMC boot camp in the fall. I'm starting all over again, getting to go through the USMC once again without actually being in it. The guys got back from Afghanistan two Monday's ago and we've been rejoicing ever since. It really has been an amazing thing seeing this wonderful men return home safely to their families.
So I have a few hints to help with the distance and the relationships of the military kind all together. I feel like I've been neglecting what I've been trying to accomplish here for a while trying to get my problems sorted out. So I'm going to start this back up, this is how I enjoy my life being and I love the military lifestyle.
Bitterness and Resentment
You'll find that over time as deployment goes on you might start to resent your significant other for not being there with you while you go through the ups and the downs of life. The important thing to remember is that if they could be there with you, they would but right now it's time for them to do their job without having to worry that you'll hate them when they come home. Don't be bitter that they aren't there, be happy they aren't so you get alone time before you have to start your life back up with them. You can find out so much more about yourself when you're on your own for that long.
Opportunities
Take the opportunities given to you during deployment as something that will teach you important lessons. Patience, gratitude, respect, honestly, fidelity, and everything else you learn will become something you will use the rest of your life with or without your significant other by your side. It's hard to see happiness in this hard time in your life but you must remember that what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Take the time alone to write, to learn new things, or anything else you haven't had time to do when your significant other is around.
Phone Calls and Letters or Video Chatting
Cherish every phone call and every letter, it's extremely important in the relationship to know that those are the things you will look back at in 20 years and laugh at. You'll wonder how you made it through it and now have a wonderful life with that person you stood by with. I ran across someone the other day who was complaining because their boyfriend signed off of chat while he was overseas by only saying "love you". It angered me because she really doesn't understand the life style if she's complaining about that when a good majority of people don't get to webcam with their loved ones or chat with them everyday. Which leads me to the next point...
Complaining
So we've all done our fair share of complaining but here's the thing that will only make the situation worse for you and everyone else who has to listen to the constant complaints. If they sign off of chats without saying goodbye, be understanding. You need to know that this is their job and that's how it is. Don't complain about it, smile about it because at least you know they are safe. If you find the need to complain about it once and a while that's fine, but if it becomes excessive you need to figure out if you're cut out for the military lifestyle. If you always find something to complain about and your significant other makes the military their life then you'll be complaining the rest of your life and that's no way to live.
Reassurance
This is extremely critical to your relationship. If you're talking to your significant other say good things, things that he will remember you by. Not why you hate your sister's new boyfriend or why you're pissed off at him because he's not home. Talk about a positive experience. If you have a problem with something and you're good friends with his family, discuss it with them or a best friend. Do not bring issues that are not life threatening or not involving him up to him while he is away. That's extremely selfish because it could get him killed if he is too worried about you back home and not focused on his job.
Preparing for Deployment
When getting ready for deployment, do not bring up sad things and do not think about the military as a death sentence. Too often it puts a lot of stress and pressure on your loved one who is deploying. You do not want to make them feel guilty for doing their job. It's important that they know they have your support no matter what the situation is. Love is about giving up what you love most and hoping it returns. If it doesn't then you have memories to love and live by. If it does then you have a full life ahead of you with that person. Things will get rough especially when you speak to them for the last time before they get on the bus to deploy or you see them get on the bus. A lot of emotions will run through your head: hurt, anger, sadness, etc. Don't let them get to you, it's only a matter of time before he will be home holding you in his arms.
Preparing for the Return
When you are getting ready for them to come home, plan a sign, something you can hang on the fence leading into the barracks/base so they know you love them and miss them. Plan a cute little care package with their favorite things so when they come home they are comfortable and ready to relax. It will be stressful for a while, 4th of July's might be difficult as will other loud noises so you should read up on PTSD and understand the symptoms and what to avoid. Not all troops come home with it or ever get it but you should be aware. Also, some girlfriends and wives hire photographers to take pictures for them while they are hugging and kissing their loved one for the first time. It's an EXCELLENT idea for memories you never want to forget.
Throughout this whole process you need to be brave and have courage. It's so trivial to your relationship to be able to suck up the hard times and be strong. If you ever need anything please e-mail me!
semperfikindoflove@yahoo.com
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