Moving on from the Past, Approaching the Future :)

"There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life. Sometimes letting go of someone or something in the past is hard, especially when it involves some kind of anger. But letting go of that anger and acknowledging that sometimes love is flawed, you will move on to your next big adventure in life."

So I had one of those "eye-opening" moments this week which is what my quote stems from. I was thinking about my ex and all of the good times we had during our relationship and all of the bad times when it suddenly hit me. For the past few months I had resented him, I had hoped that maybe he would stop treating me like he was, with such anger and hostility. But I realized one big thing, I had let go of the one thing that had kept me resenting him and holding onto to him: ANGER. 

I realized that anger was the one thing that kept me so enthralled with him, I wanted an apology or maybe even an explanation as to why he still lets his friends walk all over me, why he never even apologized for the things he had done. Granted, I did some horrible things in our relationship too but I did acknowledge them and apologize. I figured out that I had let go of the anger and moved on while he continues to resent me. He's moved on sure, but he hasn't let go completely. I can be friends with him because I want him to be happy and have the best life possible. I loved him with all of my heart but I realize that we weren't meant to be. We are so different as individuals, we both valued different types of freedom in our personal lives, different levels of trust, and we also valued religion much differently. Those differences helped me see what I want in a relationship and what I never want again. It was an unhealthy relationship and I'm glad he had the guts to end it when I internally kept fighting over and over again to have a long lasting love with him. 


What does this have to do with military relationships? Well I want to take a day to talk about unhealthy relationships and the signs that maybe you should get out of the relationship you are in if you fit these signs. So many people think that just because you are in a military relationship, there are certain ways you are supposed to feel even while your loved one is with you but that isn't true. 

1) One sign that you may be in an unhealthy relationship is fighting. If you are fighting at least once a day and a lot of time over the same thing. You might need to take a step back and assess the situation. You shouldn't be fighting that much. A relationship is about love and it's about learning to let go of that anger to compromise and create a better future for the both of you. 

2) Another sign would be severe mistrust. If you two are always having fights over trust issues and you can't figure out why. Again, take a step back and look at the relationship as a whole. Has your significant other given you a reason to not trust that or have you given them a reason to not trust you? If the answer is no, then you are most likely in some deeper trouble than just a little trust issue.

3) Do you both try to control what the other person tries to do? Do you get mad that she wants to hang with her guy friends? Do you get pissed that he's chilling with some female friends? Do you both try to tell each other what you can and can't do? That's why you set ground rules before the relationship goes past friendship because then you learn what you both expect from each other. That's a good way to start. 

4) Do you call each other names? I've been in situations where I have had exes call me names, yell at me, push me, etc. You learn that this are RED FLAGS in any relationship. No man or woman has a right to EVER call you a disrespectful name. I don't care what you did, that's not healthy in any relationship. You don't need to surround yourself with individuals like that. 

5) Are you always unhappy? I understand deployments suck but I'm not talking about that kind of unhappy, I'm talking about the kind where you think of them and get sick to your stomach. Negative feelings come up more than positive ones when you are apart or together? If this is happening, chances are you are better off single than you are in a relationship. 

Keep your heads up ladies and gents. I wish you the best of luck with your current endeavors whatever they may be. Remember that letting go of the past and the anger is the only way to work towards a positive future. Maybe there is an ex you are holding onto, let them go, there is a reason they didn't make it to your present life or your future. Semper Fi!

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